5 Reasons to Head to the Lake, and Not the Beach

I’m about to start a firestorm. I’m going to say something so divisive, so insane, that you’re going to read this article and want to strangle me through the screen. You’ll look at the words in revulsion, wondering how someone could possibly write something so heretical. You’ll look me up on Facebook to write nasty stuff on my wall (trick’s on you, I don’t use Facebook).

You’ll wonder how someone could be raised with such a terrible viewpoint of the world. You’ll read the article and think to yourself, “I’ll make sure I raise my kids better than this heathen.” You’ll want them to be better than me. That’s alright. I understand.


OK, here it goes.

I don’t like the beach. Going to the lake is way better.

Here's how I see it: You're longing for a vacation, the sun, the warm weather, but traveling to the beach just isn't in your timeline right now. Right? It's okay, it happens to everyone! So why starve yourself from a little "treat-yo-self" just because the beach is eons away? Travel to the lake instead, relax and enjoy that sweet summer sun and cool water.

 

A Lake is Probably Closer

You don’t have to be a hippy environmentalist to do some rudimentary math in your head and figure out that it’s way closer to get to the nearest lake than the ocean. For example, the closest lake to me is about 10 minutes. The closest beach is around 7 hours. That’s a lot of gas and travel time that just isn’t worth it.

Salt Water is Scratchy

Who wants to spend time basking in the water only to dry off around 30 minutes later covered in a film of crusty salt? Not me. I want to dry off and be free of residue from the body of water whose liquid I was just enjoying. Which leads me to...

 

Sand is the Worst 

Sand is really tiny, scratchy, crushed up remnants of plants, animals, and rocks. It has a knack for magically magnetizing itself to one’s nether regions to cause major discomfort. If I was in the dating scene, and I saw a profile on Tinder of someone who says anything about liking sand between their toes, I’d know to swipe left instantly because I could never get along with such a crazy masochist.

 

Sports are easier on lakes

I like being active. I like doing things that are fun, engaging, physically challenging, and have a slight chance for injury. What can I say? I’m a daredevil. The sports you can do on a lake are numerous, such as kneeboarding, wakeboarding, waterskiing, cliff diving, stand up paddle boarding, generally relaxing in the water, and not worrying about rip currents that can yank you away from the shore and kill you without your being the wiser. Seriously, what’s up with those things? Speaking of unseen threats...

 

Sharks are in the ocean

Look, I think shark week is cool, and I’ll watch shark movies if it’s on TBS, but I really don’t want to ever run into one. The great thing about most lakes (except lakes with crocodiles in Florida, but nobody swims in those anyway) is that they don’t have large creatures in them that want to eat you. Some people might say, "Christian, what about the brain eating amoeba or flesh eating bacteria that you can get from a lake?" Touché, but I’ll take my chances with the microscopic pests if that means I don’t have to worry about losing my left leg to a 14 foot long monster of the seas.


So there you have it. You can still have that great vacation week, or quick day trip to the lake to give yourself some summer sun - without having to travel far. Enjoy your summer at the lake this year and, who knows, you might prefer it over the beach like me!

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